i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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