I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
