she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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