The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
