Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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