It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
