my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
