i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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