Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
