it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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