I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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