I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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