be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
