Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
