Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
