I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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