i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
