I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
