just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
