Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
