Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Randomize
