your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
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And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
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we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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