the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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