you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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