For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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