I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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