Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
