She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
