We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
