Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
