You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
