YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
