You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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