Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
