Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
