Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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