you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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