Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We are two peas in an std pod
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
