He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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