Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
