I saw his package. It spoke to me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
