I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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