my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
