I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
