C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
