Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
