But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
