she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Found your dick twin last night
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize