I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
