totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
