Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
