I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
