I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
