everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
