The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Oh god it's open bar.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
