What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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