You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
