I accidentally had phone sex last night
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
