Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
