I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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