based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she smelled like a LAN party
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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