It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
